The orpington stepped on one of her eggs this morning.  The smell was revolting, as was the consistency of the inside — like a thick hand cream.  I should have removed the eggs yesterday.

Work is back to being stressful with everyone needing everything last minute.  It’s partly my fault, I’ll admit that.  I still hate it, though.  There is simply not enough time to do my job properly and a negative loop has occurred.  Still, I want to hold out until I’m pregnant.  The maternity leave package will be worth it.*

 * * * *

[*Ha!  I was finally able to put what I had been thinking in writing.  That’s hope for you.]

And that’s where this journal ends, folks.  I’m not sure in which box the next one is packed away.

My polyps were removed.  I went through the first round of IVF.  I had to stick myself with needles.  LOTS of needles!  I hate needles.  I remember that when the embryos were implanted, I hugged the nurse in the fertility clinic waiting room and said, “Thank you!”  She looked serious and tried to warn me that it was not guaranteed that I would become pregnant. (About a 30% chance.)  I knew that she was wrong, of course.

She wasn’t.

So, there is more heartbreak in the journal after this one, but also joy, because the second time around, it worked (even though chance was still at 30%).  You can read the beginning of that story here.

Still only four chicks.  I’ll remove the two remaining eggs tomorrow.  Not yet sure whether I’ll crack one open to see how far along the chick is in development.

Had my appointment at the Assisted Reproduction Clinic this morning.  What I thought was going to be a simple ultrasound with the ‘dildo’ turned out to be the ultrasound plus saline injected into my uterus through a catheter in order to create a cavity allowing any polyps to be better seen.

I have two polyps.  One is 5mm and the other is just under.  My appointment to have them removed is 13th of May.  I’m going in on the 12th at 11am to see (wait for?) the anaesthesiologist.  Once s/he’s satisfied, I’m to go home and then show up the next morning at 8am.  (Not sure of the actual time for the procedure.) I’m to take the 14th off work because I’m unlikely to be of any use that day.

E’s pregnant again.  As always, I’m happy for her, but it hurts.

Work is too busy again at the moment.  Too many little things that need done and they’re all important.  I’m back up to 90 emails and a week behind them, to boot.

Four of the six eggs hatched, yesterday.  We now have yellow and black balls of magic fluff…with beaks and tiny ‘cheep cheep’ noises.

I’m sure a lot has happened since I last wrote, but I can’t remember what right now.

The Icelandic volcano whose name no one can pronounce has blown and is spewing water and glass and ash into the atmosphere…into the airspace, so no airplanes.  We’ve people from the university stranded in countries all over the world.  Just found out that my cousin has been in London since the 15th and can’t get back to Canada.

Our broody hen is still sitting on the eggs.  G figures they’ll hatch on Thursday.  Hopefully the weather will be warmer then so the poor things don’t freeze to death.  The temperature is back down to just above zero and we’ve had short bouts of snow all day.  Snow that looks like ash, funnily enough.

E is pregnant again.  Just found out, today.  It’s heartbreaking to me.

We’re in a bit of a lull at work, which is really nice.

The air smells of spring.  Glorious.

Still backlogged at work.

Blogged about my IVF.  Just the basics.  Feels a bit odd, taking that step, but still the right thing to do.

Second egg cup from Ebay arrived, today.

3 eggs, tonight.

Sitting in the pub with G.  Just finished watching the Six Nations Ireland/Wales game.  (Wales lost.)  Just about to watch the Scotland/England game.

Went to first fertility appointment (two-on-one session with the doctor).  Blood taken to test for HIV, Hep B&C.  Sonogram to check ovaries and uterus.  Was day 10 or 11 of my cycle so could see follicle on ovaries (there were plenty).  Unfortunately, could also see what the doctors called a polyp in the fundus of my uterus, so can’t yet move forward with the IVF.  I’m to contact the clinic again during my next period and make an appointment for another sonogram.  If the polyp is still there they will do a biopsy.  If it isn’t there, I’ll continue with IVF.

23 minutes into the game.  6/3 for Scotland.

[If you notice, I’m not as philosophical in my journal about my infertility, nor the IVF.  After trying to get pregnant for four years something was finally happening.  My despair had turned into a strident and confident hope.  Introspection was not needed.]

Last night was our group IVF presentation.  Tomorrow we have our first one-to-one appointment – must remember to bring photos.*

*NB: for the life of me, I cannot remember which photos we had to bring or even why we had to bring them.